For those unaware, I got married this past June. I haven’t had time to really post on my blog about it, so this will be the first time it gets discussed here. Suffice it to say, it’s been a pretty hectic experience, but also a very fulfilling and rewarding one. For now though, I wanted to discuss one particular aspect of what’s been going on: our prayer life.
So, to start off with, why is it we pray together? Well, I could talk about the benefits of it, like how couples who pray are more likely to stay together, or I could talk about marriage responsibilities, like how a priest I knew once told me “to marry someone is to say ‘I will get you to heaven’.” However, while these are both true, the main purpose of why I like to pray is to help open my heart to God. Christian Existentialist philosopher Soren Kierkegaard once said “The function of prayer is not to influence God, but rather to change the nature of the one who prays,” so I’ve taken that line to push me to to remember prayer should be done to open my heart to God’s plan. If my wife and I pray together, I believe her and I will be what God intended us to be and meet the plan he has for us, more so than our own plan.
Back when we were dating, we did prayers together which helped us grow as a couple in our faith together. So two things that became common were we would say a novena together and we would do a rosary, at least before we said goodbye. Since getting married, we still do novenas, but getting ourselves to do the rosary has been harder. Be it time, desire, or connection, those haven’t been there for us to do it consistently. Still, prayer is still important so we couldn’t simply avoid it because of spiritual dryness, so I suggested we try something else. So my wife suggested something I haven’t heard of before: the St. Dymphna Chaplet.
My wife has told me about St. Dymphna a lot before we got married, so I was aware of her. She is the patron saint of those suffering for nervous and mental afflictions. She was the daughter of a pagan king who, after the death of her Christian mother, went insane and tried to wed her. When she ran away, she was hunted down, and murdered because she refused to return and marry him. To this day, the town she was martyred in still cares for the mentally ill, something that’s increasingly relevant in the modern day and could probably be learned from.
We started doing that Chaplet a couple months ago and I’ve really connected with it. It’s helped us grow together and in Faith. For me personally though, I’ve felt a strong connection and wanted to share that connection to help maybe others find their prayer life.
I’ll start by breaking down what it is and how to do it, followed by why I like each part. The Saint Dymphna bead is a small, rosary-like object, but multicolored with a different bead count. There is a circle of beads of 15 beads, 5 red, 5 white, and 5 green. There are 2 white beads connected to it on a thread that connect to either a St. Dymphna medal or crucifix.
The following with discuss how to do the St. Dymphna medal, and what it reminds me of each time I do it:
First white bead-an Our Father.
Second white bead-a Hail Mary, said specifically for the Pope’s intentions. This last month’s intentions are for suicide prevention, an important cause which fits with the mental health theme of the Chaplet.
Five red beads-five Glory Be’s, representing St. Dymphna’s martyrdom. Martyrdom is considered the supreme witness to God as it is the full on giving of one’s life in service to God. When I think of St. Dympna’s martyrdom, I’m reminded that God asks of me my life. That is to say, my mind, body, soul, and everything else. I may not be called to give it up in the physical sense, but the thought reminds me that I need to offer all the faucets of my life. So when I find myself in a place I don’t want to be or doing work I don’t want to do, I offer it up to him and remember my work and life are for him, and it reminds me that what I’m doing is important.
Five white beads-five Glory Be’s, representing St. Dymphna’s virginity. This section is also extremely important as her virginity is what she was martyred for, which becomes a recurring theme in Christian history. To go a bit deeper into it, Servant of God Fr. Luigi Giussani said that virginity allows for a greater possession of reality, deepening a relationship with Being, allowing a deeper relationship with God and truth. It is in the sacrifice of the flesh that we grow closer to God and learn more about him and our relationship with his creation. Virginity requires a sacrificing of the flesh in obedience to God’s law, which shows our love for him. In rejecting her father’s sinful desires, St. Dymphna showed her love for and greater obedience to him than the world. It reminds me why at times asceticism and avoiding my own desires when they are sinful is important: it keeps me away from things that are bad in the world and gives me both a better relationship with and understanding of God.
Five green beads-five Glory Be’s, representing hope for relief from emotional and mental health disorders. I know people who struggle with anxiety, depression, and other disorders (I won’t name them since that is their business, not mine). That said, dealing with mental health disorders is not a fun experience, and doing the chaplets reminds me that there is hope for people struggling with problems that can’t always be understood or addressed by others. So it reminds me there’s always hope, even if not currently.
There are fifteen Glory Be beads total, representing her 15 years of life
So ends the chaplet.
Since being married, my life has gone through a lot of changes. Be it internally, externally, or in terms of what I can expect for the future. It’s always been something that’s made me happy, but it’s not always been easy.
Doing this has helped me grow closer with my wife, to God, and helped us grow spiritually. It’s also helped remind me of my life’s purpose and helped me find hope in the growing mental health epidemic. For those reasons, I hope to keep doing it with my wife throughout our marriage. I share to help promote St. Dymphna, her chaplet, and hope anyone reading this might find some relatability in it. If you do, pray it yourself and maybe it will help your prayer life as well. Regardless, I’m grateful to my wife for introducing me to all this, for our relationship, to God for everything he’s done for me, to St. Dymhna for her love for God, and all the joys in my life, and I hope that gratitude shall remain.
