To the surprise of no one and the chagrin of my girlfriend, I wrote a letter to the President. That's right, I performed my patriotic duty and made my voice heard by mailing a letter. Though I don't expect a response, I thought I'd share what I sent him here"
Dear Mr. President,
I hope this letter finds you in good health. You are no doubt aware our country is facing a time of extreme crisis and a need for direction. Our people are very divided and that only seems to be getting worse by the day. It is time for bold direction and a President to reach across the aisle to support legislation all Americans can get behind. For that, I am asking you to reinstate former President George H.W. Bush’s ban on Broccoli from the White House.
As you may know, your predecessor banned Broccoli from the White House and Air Force One in March of 1990. The decision was well met by school children whose mothers had forced them to eat their greens and had shown solidarity with them and the many others who rightfully hate the awful vegetable but are too scared to admit it. I believe if you bring back the ban, you will touch those same Americans again and show solidarity with the public.
For far too long the vegetative menace has haunted this great nation from the coast to coast. It can be found in grocery stores, schools, local farmers markets, and anywhere our nation’s nutrition can be found. It hides in the shadows, waiting for the opportunity to ruin any good meal. People may have tried to mask its fowl taste by drowning it in cheese, but no amount of dairy can protect us from its spread.
This is an excellent opportunity for you to take decisive action and show the American people where you stand on this important issue. Remember that President Bush was a Republican and you are a Democrat so this is a perfect chance to show bipartisanship and unity. In addition, it will show your respect for the office by bringing back a policy from your predecessor.
I have full confidence that you will make the right decision and take this crucial action. For far too long, the party has allowed this menace to ravage our society and it is finally time to defeat it. If you do not take this, school lunches will be ruined forever and no shopper will be able to get groceries without the green terror lurking. So I ask you on behalf of my friends and family, ban Broccoli from the White House and make this nation proud.
Yes, I seriously mailed this to the President. No, this isn't an April Fool's Day joke. Just thought you all might enjoy.
