Throughout my debates in college and high school, as well into my studies for communication, I've noticed certain patterns in conversations, debates, and arguments that show the person I'm talking to has no interest in what I'm saying and is just trying to dominate the conversation. I have found the best course of action in these kinds of conversation is to disengage with that person as nothing you say will motivate them as they have ceased to care what you have to say and are often looking for emotional validation. So here are warning signs to assure you it is best to drop the conversation and stop second guessing if you were to blame:
1. Calls for Unity-Usually there is a push to guilt the opponent to make them feel like they are an outsider and therefore the one causing the problem. Simple examples would be "can't we all just get along," "we don't have to do anything," or "this is too divisive." The use of "We" is an extremely telling sign as unless it is in reference to another group (which can become the "appeal to the crowd" fallacy), using "we" to include the other speaker makes no sense if they're not addressing your interests or values. Likely, what they are trying to do is to SUBTLY give off the impression that you are being divisive by questioning their set beliefs or goals. Anyone who uses this is already treating you like an outsider or an other so tread lightly as they likely don't care about your interests and are trying to get you to submit to their's.
2. Repetition-Few people are that original, but a person that keeps repeating their own statements or those of others may show signs of an inability to think critically, meaning they have clung to some key belief or thought and refuse to change from it. One form would be repeating something that is mainstream common wisdom without being able to variate it. Now, most people of like mind may say similar things, but if you've heard their argument a million times and they can't variate it, there's a good chance they're just repeating someone else. Listen to how many of the same things they say that you may hear on the news, in circles they fly in, or or social media and see if they can even lightly deviate from that. If they can't, they're just repeating what someone else told them and digging in their heels. This means they won't change they're mind as they'd rather repeat the so called "common wisdom." Another sign of repetition is if they repeat themselves. Chances are, they've thought about it a bunch and they're not actually addressing your concerns, they're dismissing your concerns to address whatever issue is in their head. This is a sign they do not care and just want to practice their own soundbite, meaning you will never break through.
3. Mockery-This is obviously a bad sign for any speaker, but there is a reason for mockery that's a sign you've probably won. If a person had an argument, they could say it and leave it at that, but usually they know they don't so they're belittling you to shut you up so they don't have to face your arguments. After all, if they are repeating themselves, they've already shown they can't think critically so it's safer to push you away so they don't have to face their own shortcomings.
4. Non-sequiturs-Similar to mockery, it's also a sign your opponent has lost. Likely they can't address your issues so they try to change the conversation in an attempt to dodge an issue they can't address. Never let them change the conversation or else they will never face that reality.
5. If All Else Fails, the Moral Card Will be Played-This goes back to appeals for unity, but it is important to remember that they will question your morality to question your interest in doing "good". Once again, if their's is the superior decision, they shouldn't have to guilt you into supporting something, but the truth is their's isn't and they can't defend it besides repeat. Anyone who uses this is trying to control you and get you to submit. The best way for them to lose is to not give them that privilege.
So those are warning signs that the person your talking to will not change their opinion. The best option is to disengage, let them calm down, and maybe try again later if you care about their opinion or not bother if you don't. Either way, remember that if they use these five things, it isn't your fault and you should not feel bad they did. However, see to it that you don't use them yourself.
